Three Habits of a Vital Life

(Original article published in Healthy Living, A Publication of the Peninsula Daily News, Friday, September 14th)

What is vitality? 

In my practice, I define vitality:  “fully alive, genuine, and engaged in the world; living into the wholeness of body, mind & spirit in a way that is unique” to you as an individual.

A colleague of mine and I used to walk the waterfront trails in Seattle as we brainstormed for the workshop we were developing.  One day we got onto the topic of societal expectations:  how so many of us simply set out into the world following the blueprint that society created for us, “go to school, get a job, get married, have children, buy a house, acquire things, raise children, retire …” without thinking about whether those choices are suitable for our unique spirit.  In following this pre-subscribed routine, many of us acquire health problems, become increasingly restless, or burned out.  Others of us, who perhaps had challenges following this prescribed path, allow feelings of unworthiness to permeate our lives. When either of these scenarios plays out, instead of looking inside to our own inner intelligence for solutions, we tend to look outside for solutions such as prescription drugs, substance abuse, excessive television or gaming, or any other combination of activities that may temporarily relieve our symptoms of pain, boredom or disease. 

These external solutions may provide distractions or temporary benefits that turn into habits.  Habits are simply automatic responses that developed in reaction to a specific situation.  In brain science terminology, a specific neuropathway has formed to facilitate a specific behavior.  Habits can be beneficial.  For example, the habit of brushing your teeth every morning & evening helps prevent tartar build up and cavities.  Some habits may have served a purpose at one time in your life, but may now be an unhealthy crutch rather than an adaptive tool.  For these habits, the good news is that you can change or modify your old behaviors by creating new, more helpful behaviors.

The three habits below are keys to cultivating vitality. 

Habit One – Cultivating a Habit of Gratitude

It seems simplistic perhaps, but scientists have been studying the benefits of gratitude, ⁽¹⁾ and have discovered that cultivating gratitude leads to:

• Stronger immune systems and lower blood pressure
• Higher levels of positive emotions
• More joy, optimism and happiness
• Acting with more generosity and compassion
• Feeling less lonely and isolated

You can be grateful for just about anything: the smile from a loved one, the wagging tail of your dog’s greeting, the beauty surrounding us here on the Olympic Peninsula!  Here are two ideas to help you cultivate a practice of gratitude:

1.       Start a gratitude journal.  This journal can be fancy or simple.  You can decorate it yourself, purchase an already decorated journal from a book store or gift shop, or simply mark it with the words “Gratitude Journal”. Keep the journal somewhere handy, and each morning and evening write a minimum of three things you are grateful for.  (Variation:  make a gratitude jar instead, and use sticky notes or small pieces of colored paper or index cards to write your gratitude.)  Make it a practice to look back once a month or at the end of the year at all the things you were grateful for during that time.

2.       Play the “glad game”.  Anyone remember the movie Pollyanna?  Well, Disney didn’t need the brain scientists to teach him the benefits of gratitude.  This game that Pollyanna played can be adapted for you or your children.  All you need to do is find one good thing about any situation that befalls you.  Is it raining?  Well, thankfully we don’t have to worry about drought like many of the farmers in the Midwest or other parts of the country! 

Habit Two – Change Your Perspective

All of us have different viewpoints and perspectives that we’ve developed over time based on our experiences and beliefs.  These “filters” of perspective are neither right nor wrong.  They are simply filters, and just as with a camera filter, if you change it, your perspective shifts.  This concept is both very simple and quite difficult because in order to shift, we have to first be aware that our perspective on any matter is neither right nor wrong, it just is.  Letting go of judgments (of ourselves and others) and strongly held beliefs is one of the hardest habits to change.  

Next time you find yourself beginning to judge yourself or others, try these two techniques to help shift your perspective to neutral:

1.       As the emotion associated with the judgment reaches your awareness, simply stop your mind.  Take a deep breath, in and out.  Take another one.  And another.  Notice your breath.  Now try applying one of the two habits of gratitude from above (either find something you can be grateful for in this situation, or simply think of something else you can be grateful for.)  Now take another deep breath.  Repeat until the negative emotion has dissipated. ⁽²⁾

2.       As the emotion reaches your awareness, notice it.  What is the name of the emotion?  (Anger? Fear? Frustration?  Despair?)  Where is the feeling located in your body?  What does it feel like?  (Heavy?  Pressing?  Sharp?)  What color is it?  Is it moving in your body, or staying still?  Stay with the emotion until it dissipates; capture the experience on paper if you can.  Simply write down the words that come to mind.  (Variation:  When the feeling has disappeared, go back to the words you wrote down, choose ten of them, and turn them into a short poem.)

Habit Three – Live from the Heart

This is both the simplest and the most difficult of the habits to embody.  Western society is a very brain focused society, and for many of us, even being in touch with our heart is frightening.  This is unfortunate, because research tells us that the electrical impulse of the heart is 40 – 60 times more powerful than the brain, the heart magnetic field is 5000 times more powerful than the brain and can help you access more of your brain, and the heart sends more information to the brain than the other way around. The heart can help us access positive emotion, and transmute negative emotion.  ⁽³⁾ Additionally, research shows that a positive mindset benefits us by improving our psychological strength, giving us good mental habits, stronger social connections, and increased physical health. ⁽⁴⁾

To help access the power and wisdom of your heart, add these practices to your daily routine:

1.       Learn mindfulness.  It doesn’t matter whether you learn this practice through a physical activity such as Yoga, Gi Gong, Nia, running, hiking or through a sitting practice, such as fishing, knitting, or meditation.  The practice of mindfulness (paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally ⁽⁵⁾ )  in any form enables you to get out of your own way and simply “BE” present in the moment, which will give you greater access to your heart’s intelligence and intuition.

1. Never underestimate the power of nature to heal or balance your heart’s intelligence.  Get out and hug a tree.  Ask its permission to share your struggles, and then pour out your heart.  Ask a rock to bear your burden for awhile.  Let the wind blow through your hair, and allow the grass to soften the ground under your bare feet.  Plant something, and cultivate it.    
2.  Sit alone, and listen.  Ask your heart for guidance on an issue.  Bring a journal.  Write your question with your dominant hand, then switch the pen to the other hand and write the answer your heart gives you.  Trust it. 

These three habits of vitality, practiced regularly, will improve your life. 

(Since developing new habits requires remembering to follow through with them, ⁽⁶⁾ I suggest adding these to your day planner or “to-do” list for 21 days or more.  If you don’t keep a day planner or “to-do” list, put sticky notes on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator (or the dashboard of your car) to help remind you.  Make it easy on yourself, and take it easy on yourself.  If you forget one day, don’t beat yourself up, just pick back up where you left off, and keep going until these practices become habits.)

You can visit my website to learn more about the research behind these habits of vitality, or to learn more about coaching or workshop activities.

References:

1. Greater Good Institute, Berkeley
2. Adapted from a Heart Math technique, for more information:  www.HeartMath.org   
3.  http://heartmastery.com/about-us/heart-facts 
4. Positivity, by Barbara Fredrickson
5. Jon Kabat-Zinn 
6. The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal